It’s so much easier to deal with lost love by puffing up with hate. But the hate is so tiring. And so diseased. By the end of it all, there’s only enough energy to open the eyes while catatonic in bed. Then to wait. Wait to fall back asleep and forget anything ever existed in the first place.
I don’t want you ever to come back,
I prefer destruction in between my hands,
If yesterday I pronounced your name so forcefully,
Look at me today destroying my lips.
+ 14 For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am fleshly, sold under sin.+ 15 For I do not understand what I am doing. For I do not practice what I wish, but I do what I hate. 16 However, if I do what I do not wish, I agree that the Law is fine. 17 But now I am no longer the one doing it, but it is the sin that resides in me.+ 18 For I know that in me, that is, in my flesh, there dwells nothing good; for I have the desire to do what is fine but not the ability to carry it out.+ 19 For I do not do the good that I wish, but the bad that I do not wish is what I practice. 20 If, then, I do what I do not wish, I am no longer the one carrying it out, but it is the sin dwelling in me. 21 I find, then, this law in my case: When I wish to do what is right, what is bad is present with me.+ 22 I really delight in the law of God according to the man I am within,+ 23 but I see in my body* another law warring against the law of my mind+ and leading me captive to sin’s law+ that is in my body.* 24 Miserable man that I am! Who will rescue me from the body undergoing this death? 25 Thanks to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So, then, with my mind I myself am a slave to God’s law…
Romans 7: 14-25
Throat drowns from tanned ocean,
Sun save us.
Those demons we think wait for us
When light abandons,
Sneak out from inside.
Trying to lift,
The dark of my bedroom ceiling